A different kind of love
by fiona44
Summary: Slightly AU, how would CJ cope after Simon's death? especially with the unexpected surprise she has in store.
1. Chapter 1

This is totally AU. I was reading a challenge where CJ and Simon Donovan got together from the beginning of his protection, but he still died in NY.

CJ/Simon AU

'So what do you say, you wanna come upstaris for some coffee?' CJ asked coyly.

'I dont know CJ, it's against the rules and I could be taken off this job.' Simon said back.

CJ gently put her hands on Simon's chest and pushed him towards the steps leading up to her house.

Simon smiled and pulled CJ up the stairs with him, giving in to the voice in his head telling him that this could go horribly worng.

When they reached CJ's apartment, Simon reached out and put his arms around her waist.

CJ looked up into his eyes and smiled, Simon gently brushed his lips against her and pulled her body into his.

'I'm guessing you don't want coffee.' CJ langhed as they slowly walked into her bedroom, without taking their eyes and lips off each other.

**

* * *

**

'Somebody's made a mistake. He was just on his way to the field office.'

Please go let them be wrong CJ thought to herself as she looked at Ron Butterfield's.

Walking through New York, all CJ could think was why? Why?

Her thoughts were disrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. She fumbled and saw on the display that it was Josh, she started to clear her throat and wipe her eyes clean.

'Yeah?' she said into the phone.

'CJ, Amy just told me about Simon, you okay, was it the stalker?' Josh said so fast CJ barely understood.

'No he walked into a shop that was being robbed and...and...'

'CJ, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise.' Josh stumbled whilst he tried to comfort his friend.

'Josh I really need to get back to the play in case the president needs something.'CJ said quickly.

'Okay, call if you need anything.' Josh replied sensing CJ's need to think things over. He wasn't sure what exactly was going on with CJ and Simon, but he knew it went beyond him protecting her.

* * *

Couple of months later-campaign trail

'I love dry rub, they take the spices and... Josh? Josh?' CJ looked at the phone and put it back into it's cradle.

She swiveled in her chair and went to stand up when she suddenly got head rush and started to hear a loud ringing sound. Before she could shout out for Carol to find out what the hell it was, she collasped on the floor.

'CJ?' Carol said as she walked into her bosses office, hearing the thud from her desk outside, she looked around and saw CJ laying on the floor.

'CJ, oh my god.' Carol turned her on her side, when CJ started to gain consciousness again.

'What the...?' CJ whispered as Carol ran to reach the phone on CJ's desk.

'Yeah, it's Carol Fitzgerald, no ma'am she's conscious now, yes okay ma'am.' Carol said and replaced the phone, kneeling back to CJ, who was now sitting up, leaning against the desk.

'What happened, CJ?' Carol asked concerned about her bosses health, she had not been looking good lately and had arrived at work some days looking like she was going to fall over if someone as much as breathed on her.

Before CJ could answer her, the First Lady barged into CJ's office carrying her doctos bag.

'Now CJ before you say anything, I have the president's orders for you to let me examine you.'

'Mrs Bartlet, I'm really okay, I think I may have a bug or something, I havent been feeling well for about...' as CJ paused to think, Abby finished her sentence for her

'A couple of months now, and if you think I haven't noticed, you're mistaken. Just because everyone else around here is preocupied with the campaign and trying to locate Josh and Toby, doesn't mean I am.'

CJ finally relented and let Abby take her blood pressure and temperature.

'Carol, could you go and get CJ some water please?' Abbey said as she ushered Carol ot of the door, closing it behind her.

'Now CJ, I want you to go and see a doctor.' she said with concern in her voice that made CJ pay ttention and sit up straight.

'Why, do you think there's something is wrong with me?' CJ asked

'No CJ, I think you might be pregnant.'

As Abby said it, CJ's jaw dropped to the floor.

'No I can't be, I haven't had... I...oh my god, I think I'm going to be sick.' Cj said as she rushed over to the bin just in time.

Abby followed her and held her head back as CJ emptied what little contents she had in her stomach.

'I don't wan't you to worry about this until you know for sure, okay? I'm going to make you an appointment with a friend of mine, whos an OB/GYN, for this afternoon.' Abby said.

'That's not necessary Mrs Bartlet, I've got a doctor i can...'

'No, this woman is the best in DC. I'll come by later to take you to your appointment.'

Before CJ could protect, Abby Bartlet has swiftly walked out of her office, leaving CJ sitting on the floor.

* * *

'Hello, my name's Dr. Richards, hello Abby, how are you?'

'I'm just great thanks Helen. This is CJ Cregg, who I was telling you about.'

Dr Richards observed the taller woman as she ushered her into the office and sat down at her desk, she looked exhausted, but she thought this was probably expected in her job.

'Okay CJ, I need to ask you a few questions, and then we'll take some blood. I should get the results later on this afternoon, and will inform you as soon as I recieve them. How have you been feeling lately?'

'Pretty bad for the last couple of days, like I told Mrs Bartlet, I think it's a bug going round, I really don't think I'm pregnant.' CJ said, trying to convince the doctors as much as she was trying to convince herself.

'Are you sure you don't want me to stick around until Dr Richards calls you with the results.' Abby asked as they arrived back in the west wing.

'I'm going to be fine, thanks again for everything Mrs Bartlet.' CJ replied back to the First Lady. As Abby was walking away from CJ's office, she caught sight of Toby Ziegler furiously pacing down the hall.

* * *

'CJ!! CJ, where the hell have you been, you need to brief in 5 minutes!' Toby bellowed down the halls as he was racing towards her.

'Toby, I know, but I'm here now, what have you got for me?' CJ asked, hoping he wouldn't bring up the subject of her absence again, she needed any distraction from her 'situation' she could get.

As she was sitting in the doctos office, she was thinking back to the last time she had been with someone, then it hit her - Simon. A new wave of sickness passed over her as she realised that if she was pregnant, she was carrying Simon's baby.


	2. Chapter 2

'Hello, this is CJ Cregg, if it's anything important leave a message after the beep.' BEEP!!  
'CJ, it's Abby, I know your there, pick up the phoen, that's an order, I'm first lady right now! Please CJ...'

'Hi Mrs Bartlet, I dont' mean to be rude, but I need some time to think at the moment.' CJ said quietly down the phone.

'I know, just wanted to know how you were feeling and...'

'I'm fine, please, I'll be in work tomorrow, we can talk then. Bye Mrs Bartlet.' CJ returned the phone on the sideboard.

She just couldn't believe she was in this situation, the words of Dr Richards kept running through her head and she couldn't think straight.

She was pregnant, She was pregnant with Simon's baby. Just thinking about him made fresh tears appear in her eyes and she let her mind wonder about how different this would be if Simon was still alive. Sure she hadn't known him for long, but spending so much time together every day made it feel that way.

Next day - The West Wing Senior Staff meeting

CJ? CJ? can you handle that, take it out with the trash? Leo said slightly annoyed that she hadn't been paying attention.

'Yeah, sure.' CJ said as the rest of the staff left Leo's office, CJ hung back knowing that she had to get this over with as soon as possible.

'Leo, I... I think ...there's, look I need to...'

'Spit it out would you CJ, I'm trying to run a country here!' Leo said with a small smile on his face, he didn't know why but her felt uneasy. He felt the same knot in his stomach he felt when CJ had told him she would resign after her press room gaffe.

'Leo, I...erm.. I'm pregnant.' CJ said, closing her eyes as she said it.

'What? You're ...Oh god tell me it isn't Concannon's? please' Leo sadi then instantly regretted it.

'I'm sorry CJ, how you doing kid?'

'I'm not too sure. I only found out yesterday and I dont' think it's really sunk in yet.' CJ said almost embarassed to be talking about this with the White House Chief of Staff.

'CJ, I don't wanna be the one to ask these questions, but someone's gotta, are you gonna keep the baby?'

CJ looked at her hands and quietly said 'yes' then looked at Leo and said it a little louder as if to show herself that she said it.

'Okay, one more then I assure you, I'm done.' Leo said as he held up his hands in surrender, he had saeen CJ Cregg tearing grown men into several pieces and he didn't want to be one of them.

'Who's the father of the baby? Are you in a relationship?'

Having told him this much, CJ found new confidence and explained about Simon.

'Oh CJ, I had no idea, I don't think anyone did.' Leo said appoligetically.

'Look Leo, I know this screws you up a bit, what with just getting over the censure, I understand if you need me to resign or whatever.'

Leo was surprised at how he wasn't shocked by what CJ had just said. She would put this administration before almost anything, and Leo couldn't help but think if she was half as good at being a mother as she was at her job, this was gonna be one lucky kid.

'We need to tell the president to see what he wants to do as well?' CJ said assertively, jumping back into press secretary mode.

'CJ, I just realised I never said congratulations, you're gonna do good kid,' he said with a big smile, pulling CJ into a big hug.

CJ held back the tears as much as she could, only one single tear escaped down her cheek.

'Leo, I need to see the brief... excuse me CJ, I didn't know you were in here. Is everything okay, Leo what did you say to her?' The president looked sternly at his chief of staff and then at his press secretary who was trying her hardest not to let the leader of the free world see her cry.

'Mr President, there's something you need to know, I'm pregnant and I'm keeping the baby.' CJ blurted out in one breath.

'CJ, congratulations, I'm so so happy for you, Abby's going to be made up, she loves babies.'

'She already knows, well I sort of fainted in my office yesterday and Carol called Mrs Bartlet.'

The president rushed over to CJ's side, guiding her into the sofa in Leo's office.

'CJ, why didn't you tell anyone , are you okay what about the baby?'

'Everything's fine, the doctors said I was just a little aneamic, but she gave me enough vitamins to feed a small eastern eurpoean country.' CJ said with a small smile.

'What else did the doctor say, I need to know all the details, right now Claudia Jean.'

'Well the doctor said I'm about three months pregnant and the doctor was very happy with the size of the baby, she said the baby is above average for it's weight. I'm going for a scan in two days so they can tell me more details.'

'Claudia Jean, you are like family to me and I know you know what's going to happen once the press gets a hold of this, so I've got to ask you now, who is the father?' The president looked almost embarassed to have to be asking the woman he considered his daughter this question.

He knew CJ's father's illness was getting worse and how much it hurt her that he sometimes didnt recognise her. The people in this building were her close family, they were the only people she had left.

'Sir, when Simon was head of my protection detail, we acted on some feelings we felt towards each other. I know it was wrong and was a conflict of interest but...'

'I swear to god CJ, I could care less about the conflict of interest, I had no idea you and Simon were close.'

At the back of the room, Jed could almost feel Abby roll her eyes, she had often told him that he was so out of touch with the social lives of his staffers.


	3. Chapter 3

"Can a girl not get a moment's peace in this place" CJ said as someone knocked on her door for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.

Before she could say come in, Toby, Josh and Sam all barged into her office talking a mile a minute.

"CJ, your being very unreasonable about this……

"Why wont you let us come along…..

"What do you mean I'm not suitable hospital company….

CJ sighed and let out a small chuckle. No matter how much they bugged her, her spin boys were the closest thing to family she had.

"Guys, Im really going to be fine, I promise, I just feel like I should do this on my own."

"At least let one of us come along… please???" pleased Josh.

CJ had her scan later in the afternoon and despite telling them all that it was something she had to do on her own, she was getting more and more nervous about it.

"I suppose one of you could come, just one though."

All three men stood startled, "I do believe we've all witnessed CJ Cregg cave!" bellowed a voice behind them.

"I've heard tales of this, but never seen it with my own eyes." the president said striding in to the office already full.

"Mr president" all four said as they got to their feet.

"Sam, you have the afternoon off to escort Miss Cregg to the hospital."

Sam immediately smiled and gave a victorious smile to Toby and Josh, CJ and the president both rolled their eyes.

***************************Later that day*********************************

CJ and Sam sat in the waiting room of the hospital. CJ could not stop thinking about Simon. 'He should have been her doing this with me' she thought as a few tears escaped her eyes. Hoping Sam was too busy talking on his phone to see, she brushed them away with her hand.

She'd had recurring dreams about Simon, and what they're live would have been like, and she realised that she would have done anything for him and their child she was carrying.

Sam was busy trying to tell Leo that CJ seemed okay when he saw her brushing tears nonchalantly away from her face. "Listen Leo, I'm getting looks for using my cell in the hospital, I better go." he said walking back to CJ.

Without saying a word, he sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her. No words needed to be said as he knew what CJ was thinking and that he wasn't the person she wanted to be sitting comforting her awaiting the scan of their baby.

"We're all here for whatever you need CJ, don't think that your going to get rid of us or that this kids got any chance in hell of having a normal life." he said trying to lighten the mood.

CJ laughed and realised that having Sam with her was properly the best thing she could have done, just as a voice called out her name.

Her smile immediately faded as she looked at Sam for reassurance.

Sam squeezed her hand and helped her to her feet, "I'm getting practise in for when your so huge, you're going to need me and Charlie to help you up" he said trying to lighten the situation that, by all accounts, should be a happy occasion.

They entered the dimly lit room, "Hi CJ, good to see you again, you ready to see your baby today? Then she turned to Sam "Hi, we haven't met yet, you must be the Dad?"

CJ flinched and couldn't form the words to tell her story, "No, I'm Sam, CJ's friend" Sam chimed in.

"Oh I'm sorry, well lets get on so you can see your little one." the nurse said.

CJ gave Sam an apologetic look and climbed up onto the table and pulled her top up, becoming suddenly self conscious undressing in front of Sam.

Sam cleared his throat and turned away, suddenly becoming very interested in a poster of foetal development.

Within seconds, a loud thumping sound filled the small room. Sam spun round and stared at the monitor that CJ's eyes were glued to.

"There's your baby's heartbeat, sounds very healthy and its measuring up a good size" the nurse said writing notes as she spoke. All the while Sam and CJ were stunned into silence.

"Would you like to know the sex of your baby?" she asked.

"Erm.. I suppose so," CJ stuttered, still not being able to take her eyes off the small screen.

"It's a very healthy baby girl." the nurse said with a smile.

"I just cant believe it, she's so small still but she's a real person already, Sam said clutching the copy of the scan photo he had begged CJ to let him have. He turned to look at CJ, from the moment she had seen her daughter on the sonogram, she had been in a daze.

"CJ, CJ, you still with me??" CJ turned her head, "this is really happening isn't it? I mean I knew it was happening but up until today it felt like it wasn't happening to me. I'm going to be a single mother Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be a mother, let alone try and raise a child by myself."

She took a long pause and stared at her hands, "I don't know if I can be good at this Sam."

It was a blunt statement from CJ, who usually kept her emotions in check but the last few months it felt like someone had come in and bulldozed her entire life.

Sometimes she wanted to scream, why?? Why had this happened to Simon, why had this happened to her? Did she really deserve this, to lose the man who, with each passing day she had to go without him, she loved even more.

After a very silent cab ride back to the White House, Sam and CJ walked through the communications bullpen to Sam's office. CJ slumped onto his sofa, "Would it be really wrong of me to have a large glass of vodka?" CJ asked as Sam handed her a bottle of water.

"I'm just surprised Toby and …." Sam started as Josh and Toby barged through the door and made themselves comfortable in Sam's office.

"Well, are we going to have to wait until your kid can actually tell us how the appointment went itself." Toby said impatiently.

"Everything is fine, and we're both healthy so all is looking good at the moment." CJ said, taking a sip of her water, watching the faces of her two co workers as they sat waiting for more information.

"Even I cant take this, tell them before I have to!" Sam demanded, breaking the deafening silence.

"It's a girl." CJ said, as she couldn't stop the smile spreading across her face.

There was smiles all round as each took their turn to congratulate the mum-to-be, then continued with their workload.

CJ was back in her office typing up the last press briefing of the day, it had taken twice as long as usual as her eyes kept wandering back to the small photo on her desk. She took it in her hands and said out loud "Look what we made, Simon."


	4. Chapter 4

"You've got it wrong, so wrong!" Danny yelled into the phone, almost laughing.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, sat on a Sunday morning, mouth wide open.

"Seriously Danny, he was there the entire time and when they came out he was the one holding a picture." said a voice on the other end of the line.

Could this really be true, could Sam Seaborn and CJ Cregg really be having a baby together?

Was CJ really pregnant?

"Alright, thanks Joe, see you around." Danny hung up the phone.

Okay, anything else?" Leo asked at the end of the senior staff meeting.

"Yeah, we're going to need to sort out some kind of plan with this whole situation." Toby said, looking even more uncomfortable than usual.

"CJ's going to need time off for appointments and sooner or later the press is going to start asking where the press secretary is."

Leo looked in CJ's direction, he knew, more than anyone, what it was like to have your personal life discussed as a political matter in the room next to the Oval office.

"I'm going to tell them today. I'm not going to say much, just that there's a baby and its none of there business." CJ stated as if she'd rehearsed the line many times.

"CJ, I think if we leave this hanging, they're going to make more hay out of it than they need to. If we give them a piece of it, they're going to want the whole thing, or keep writing crap until we have to announce the whole thing." Josh chimed in, trying to make a point whilst resisting the temptation to tell CJ it was her life and he'll go 13 rounds with anyone who makes her life any harder.

CJ smiled at Josh and stood up. "Okay, you guys come and see me in my office during the day and we'll work out a statement, we'll announce at the last briefing of the day if that's okay?" she said turning round to Leo, a little too fast and reached a hand out to the chair to steady herself.

All four men in the room saw her sway and started towards her. Upon seeing them all come at her, CJ started to laugh. Not because it was particularly funny, but because if she didn't laugh, she might just start crying.

"Okay" Leo said and with that they were dismissed from his office. As CJ walked down the hall into her office, she had the strange sensation that someone was following her, she spun around and saw Sam standing only inches away from her.

"What's up Sam?" she asked continuing to walk around her desk and sit down with a big sigh. She was almost four months pregnant and while anyone still couldn't tell, CJ was definitely feeling it.

"Okay, when I tell you this, I need you to not freak out?" Sam said taking a seat on CJ's sofa.

"Why do people say that, as if that doesn't freak me out already!" CJ said.

Sam stood up again and walked closer to CJ's desk "there's a story coming out that the baby's mine," he said.

As soon as he said it, CJ went red. Sam couldn't tell if it was embarrassment or anger.

"Who is it? Who's writing this crap? And why are they writing this rubbish?" CJ yelled.

Yep, Sam thought, it was definitely anger.

"Look, don't worry about it, its rubbish, but what with your announcement today, I thought I'd give you a heads up in case someone asks."

"Alright." CJ sighed, resigned to the fact that her not so private life was soon to be splashed all over the papers.

Sam sat down on the couch again and CJ started back with her work. After a few seconds she realised Sam had no intention of moving.

"was there something else I can do for you Sam?"

"Well…." Sam started with hesitance "If you don't want people knowing all the details and if they're making there own assumptions, I mean I'm up for it, if it will make your life easier."

CJ stood staring at Sam trying to figure out what he was saying, then it hit her and she gave a trademark toothy smile.

"you are really sweet sometimes Sam, but I'm not going to let you take the flak in all this. As soon as I announce this pregnancy, I'm going to a get a lot of bad press for going at this alone and doing a job like mine and bringing more bad publicity to this president. What we don't need is the deputy communications director involved in it at all. But thanks." She added on the end, still smiling.

Sam nodded his head and walked out of CJ's office. This was going to be a hard day for everyone.

"…and the president and first lady will be spending the weekend in the Manchester house, leaving on air force one at approximately noon tomorrow, so some time around 3." CJ joked with the press, then took a deep breath, she was nervous. CJ thought back to the first press briefing she did, it wasn't a huge success but she wasn't half as nervous as she was now.

"and on a separate note, I know there has been some rumours going around so to put the record straight, yes I am pregnant, no Sam Seaborn is not father, and no, I will not be taking any more questions on this matter." CJ said in one breath.

There was a short silence in the press room before all the reporters started shouting questions loudly in the direction of the podium.

"Guys, guys…EXCUSE ME! Thank you. This is a very personal matter and yes the president as well as senior staff was told and are very supportive of my carrying on working up until she arrives." Although no one could see, CJ instinctively put her hand on her stomach as she talked about her little girl.

"CJ, you really expect us to not want any follow up to this?" Chris asked.

CJ paused, she knew the right thing to do was tell them as she had discussed with Josh earlier on but she didn't know if she could handle admitting to everyone, including herself, what had happened.

"Okay, I'm going to say this once, and once only. The father of my baby is named Simon Donovan, he is a Secret service agent who I had been in a relationship with."

The press immediately picked up the word 'had' and began asked questions a mile a minute.

CJ confidently carried on with the statement, silencing the reporters "A little over 4 months ago, he was shot and killed while on duty." The room went silent and CJ didn't know if she should proceed or not.

"I ask you for privacy and respect during this trying yet exciting time and also be gentle with any replacements who will be filling in for me."

And with that CJ left the podium, opened the door to the hallway to find the majority of the west wing staff lining the hallways. They all offered their condolences along with their congratulations.

When CJ made it back to her office, she shut the door and leaned against it, only to hear a urgent knock from the other side.

"I'm not here!" she yelled through the door, whilst heaving herself off the door and opening it.

Carol was standing there with red eyes and beaming smile, before she could say anything, she had been enveloped in a hug. CJ smiled and quietly thanked Carol before wiping the stray tear from her left eye.

She went back into her office, leaving the door open and sat at her desk. As she reached for her pen, she glanced at the scan photo she had resting against Gail's fishbowl. " Do you see what you're putting your mum through already?" she joked, talking to her unborn daughter.

Josh, Sam and Toby stood, unnoticed, at the door of CJ's office, watching a moment that none of them wanted to intrude on. Instead they all turned and went their respective ways, beaming with pride for the woman they'd all been watching.

"Any messages Carol?" CJ said, later that day, as she breezed past Carol's desk into her office. Carol followed her in and closed the door.

CJ looked up from the briefing paper she had just flipped open and saw Carol had taken a spot in one of her chairs.

"Everything okay there Carol?" CJ asked a little nervously.

"Danny Concannon has called, I'd say on average, about 20 times since the briefing" she almost whispered. She could only imagine what CJ must be going through right now. As well as Simon, the baby and announcing to the world your most intimate news, CJ had started to get what Carol could only assume was the start of a nasty backlash. Conservative republicans still finding a way to make it political.

"Yeah, could have seen that one coming." CJ said. "Hold him off as long as possible, would you Carol. Not sure I can face… reporters right now."

"Sure thing boss" Carol said as she exited the room, closing the door behind her.

As soon as she left, CJ picked up the briefing paper and moved to the couch in her office. As she closed her eyes, it was the first time that day she had been left alone in piece and quiet.

"Claudia Jean, you better not be slacking on the job" Jed Bartlet's voice bellowed in through her office.

CJ jolted to attention and stood up, a little too fast and sat back down again.

"Sorry Sir, was there something you needed?" CJ said as she regained her composure and got to her feet.

"Sit down would you" the president said as he took a seat across from her.

"I just cam here to tell you that, to me, this is the best news I've heard in quite some time" he said with a toothy grin on his face. "but, this is going to be a rough couple of months for you, so I guess what I'm trying to say is… we're family. Josh, Toby, Sam, Leo, me. We're all here for you."

This little speech from the president had caused CJ to realise that she was going to be a single parent but she was never going to be alone.

"Thank you Mr President"


End file.
